"Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things."Arthur Schopenhauer Photo by Natalie on Pexels.com If you have stumbled upon this blog, then welcome! I started this blog so I could get some heavy stuff off my heart and mind. I'm 32, have depression and anxiety, I'm obese and a self harmer. …
I’m still here
Its hard to write when you feel like an empty shell, when you feel like nothing you say has any benefit to yourself or others. Over the last 6 months I have been surviving. Like most people, Covid has put a stop to most of my activities and socializing. You could happily erase April 2020 …
Why Covid life is giving a glimpse into the world of Derealisation
We are all living in this new world of Covid. A life in which, for some, time has no meaning, days come and go, the world feels muted. Depersonalisation and derealisation, for me at least, feels alot like this. I wake in the morning not knowing what day it is, or month. I wake and …
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Protected: Hey, ripple maker…
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Protected: Waiting
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Abandoned
That's how I feel right now. It's the story of my life. People either abandon me or treat me so badly that I have to escape. Image by artist- Sow Ay My family, though remaining physically close, abandoned me emotionally so many times that I can't be myself around them. I can't turn to them …
I can’t trust my memories
He told me today that he was surprised that I stayed in an abusive relationship for so long. He said he thought I was stronger than that. That I would have spoken up sooner. Of course I put him in his place about the nature of abusive relationships, and I educated him on the reasons …
Help me…
I don't know how much longer I can hold on for. How much longer I can fight the demon inside my head. The last few weeks I have been plagued by images of my dad in that hospital bed. How long will this keep happening? How many more times do I have to relive those …
The angry side of grief
Warning. This contains profanities for which I'm not apologetic. It's been a year.One really long, short year. A year I didn't think I would survive. A year I didn't want to survive. The last 24th of May, I was in benidorm, in a whirlwind of emotion, caught in the grips of sudden grief. I can …
I don’t want to stop writing ;
I don't want to stop writing. It's an outlet for expression that has served me greatly in the last year. I'm able to articulate my feelings and thoughts in a way I simply can't do out loud. It helps me find some perspective and gives meaning to the feelings I'm having. I don't want to …
Please come home…
I watched a film today, about a boy who got separated from his family. He spent years tracking down his mother when he was older. It was a lovely film, called Lion. Why am I talking about films you ask?It made me realise something. Something that I'm not sure many people would say out loud. …
Shrink(ing) Violet 
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