"Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things."Arthur Schopenhauer Photo by Natalie on Pexels.com If you have stumbled upon this blog, then welcome! I started this blog so I could get some heavy stuff off my heart and mind. I'm 31, have depression and anxiety, I'm obese and a self harmer. [...]

Hey, ripple maker…

it's me. We havnt spoken in so long. It's had to be that way. I rang to try and get back in contact last week, and they told me you were off sick. I hope that you are well and that you are just working on your plan. I pray you havnt given up hope [...]


That's how I feel right now. It's the story of my life. People either abandon me or treat me so badly that I have to escape. Image by artist- Sow Ay My family, though remaining physically close, abandoned me emotionally so many times that I can't be myself around them. I can't turn to them [...]

I can’t trust my memories

He told me today that he was surprised that I stayed in an abusive relationship for so long. He said he thought I was stronger than that. That I would have spoken up sooner. Of course I put him in his place about the nature of abusive relationships, and I educated him on the reasons [...]

Help me…

I don't know how much longer I can hold on for. How much longer I can fight the demon inside my head. The last few weeks I have been plagued by images of my dad in that hospital bed. How long will this keep happening? How many more times do I have to relive those [...]

The angry side of grief

Warning. This contains profanities for which I'm not apologetic. It's been a year.One really long, short year. A year I didn't think I would survive. A year I didn't want to survive. The last 24th of May, I was in benidorm, in a whirlwind of emotion, caught in the grips of sudden grief. I can [...]

I don’t want to stop writing ;

I don't want to stop writing. It's an outlet for expression that has served me greatly in the last year. I'm able to articulate my feelings and thoughts in a way I simply can't do out loud. It helps me find some perspective and gives meaning to the feelings I'm having. I don't want to [...]

Please come home…

I watched a film today, about a boy who got separated from his family. He spent years tracking down his mother when he was older. It was a lovely film, called Lion. Why am I talking about films you ask?It made me realise something. Something that I'm not sure many people would say out loud.  [...]

What’s real?

When will the nightmares end? Every night I am plagued by the most heart wrenching dreams. They are so real that in the morning I have to check certain things to convince myself they aren't real. Nightmares are just another way the inner critic tries to convince us that we are no good. That everything [...]

Dear friends…

Please don't give up on me. When the world is healed and all this lockdown and isolation is over, I'm going to find it hard to step out of my cave and face the world again. I'm going to have to learn to socialise again. My depression will be feeding me lies continuously that you [...]

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