Welcome

“Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things.”

Arthur Schopenhauer

If you have stumbled upon this blog, then welcome!

I started this blog so I could get some heavy stuff off my heart and mind. I’m 32, have depression and anxiety, I’m obese and a self harmer. I’m a mother and a friend.

I’m dealing with the loss of my husband and life, and the loss of my father.

You see, 6 months ago, I left my husband. Not because I didn’t love him anymore. He no longer loved me. He told me to get out of his life. That the world would be better off without me. We had a complicated marriage. Since leaving I’ve come to realise that I was in a controlling, abusive relationship. More details of that to come…

So, there I was, at 30, homeless, penniless, with a suitcase and my daughter. We stayed with a friend for 2 months before I managed to find a rental.

I got myself a job, made our house a home, got myself a solicitor and started group therapy.

Then dad died. He finally left a 20 year career that he had grown to hate and was going to take a few months off to spend time with me and get our new lives started. He went on holiday for a long weekend and never came home. He had a medical emergency and for 3 weeks we went through tragedy and hope. He was getting better. Then he died.

I’m going to be honest. I’m struggling. In a massive way. I’ve started using alcohol and drugs to fill the void in my life. I’m trying, I really am, but things just seem to be going from bad to worse.

I’m hoping this blog is going to help me talk things through. Even if it’s just for myself, I’m hoping I find it cathartic.