Over 5,000 years ago, homo sapiens began to use language to communicate their needs and wants with each other. I’m assuming that their new found communication style was rewarding as language continued to develop to current day. Language and communication styles are still evolving, with the advent of social media and emojis. It seems the more words we added to our language, the harder it got to talk!
The basic instinct in humans is to cry when we need something. All babies do it. It is them communicating that they have a need. As children age they start to use words and sentences to tell us what they want, need and how they are feeling.
Given this information, could someone please tell me why the fuck the world stopped talking?
We talk, I know that, I get that. But at what age, and why, do we feel that communicating our very needs is unnecessary. Babies are born with total congruency and as we age, the actual self gets beaten the shit out of by society, peer groups, family and media. We feel we need to hide ourselves behind these walls of shame and guilt and protection. Bullying, oppression and belief systems teach us that acceptance of ourselves comes from the acceptance of others.
When are we going to call bullshit on that?! When did it become normal to hate ourselves while trying to be loved by others. Surely self love should come top of the agenda?
Once we have been moulded into something we aren’t, it’s hard to get back to the original. If people just accepted us for who we are in the first instance then maybe everybody would love themselves and there would be a whole lot less hate in the world?
We tell our children not to shout, run around, stare, cry, whinge and moan. We do it because we don’t want to be judged by others. We don’t want our children to be judged by others. When did other people’s opinions of our children make us pound them into the self loathing adults of the future?
This realisation has saddened me. Not only because my parents and peers beat me into a self hating puppet of society, but because I’m doing the same to my child. I’m doing it because ‘thats what people do’. I have a long journey ahead to get to the congruent me. Maybe it’s not too late for my child. Maybe I can change now and they will be their actual self? Not looking to others for acceptance and approval.
For me it’s a struggle. I have to undo and unravel years of false beliefs to find the real me. Every journey has to start somewhere. So every day I’m going to do or say one thing that is truly for me.
Tonight I met an old friend. We havnt seen each other in a long time. We have both lost a parent recently and wanted to check in with each other. When I arrived they asked me if I was okay. My socially acceptable, automated response nearly rolled off my tongue. But I caught myself. How can I ever get help and acceptance of the real me unless I am the real me. My response: NO. I am not okay. Life has been incredibly difficult recently and it’s got to the point that I feel life isn’t worth living. Every day is a struggle to get through. Every night is sleepless and long. I’m not drinking or eating. I’m lonely and I’m incredibly sad.
I’m not sure whether I had good judgement in this person or whether there is something to this congruency, but the reaction was surprising: Tell me all about it……
Holy shit. And there it is. I am so incredibly exhausted with living. I couldn’t hide it anymore. This person was a good first choice as they aren’t as emotionally involved as family can be. That small leap of faith has taught me something…. maybe, just maybe, I can be myself afterall!
One truth at a time – Violet x
Shrink(ing) Violet 