Someone once told me that their past events, belief systems and thoughts were like a baby elephant that they walked round on a rope. Constantly dragging the massive load around with them day in day out. They said that their life got easier when they realised that they could live more easily if the elephant was on roller skates. They could progress quicker and move a little easier. They told me that through therapy they learnt to sit on the elephant. To stop pulling their heavy load and instead claim it. They accepted that the elephant had to come with them and they adapted.
Today, I had a vision of myself with my own belief systems, traumas and past experiences. I saw myself as a tree. As I grew, peers family and society made rules for my life. They taught me to hide my emotions. They taught me to keep secrets. With each new rule they placed a chain around me and secured it with a padlock. Each negative event, remark or suppression put another chain on and another impenetrable padlock.
And here I am today. I’m an oak tree in full adult form. Every inch of me is covered with layer upon layer of chains and padlocks. For so long that’s just how I’ve been. It’s who I’ve been. I’m tired of holding the heavy weight of all those chains. I’m in the middle of the difficult process of removing those chains. For some I’ll need to find the key. For others I will need to make keys. Some have no keys because they aren’t locked. I’ve held them there myself until a locked chain held it in place. As each chain is removed, and my burden gets lighter, I hope I might be able to see the tree in its true form. Free from chains and locks and restraint. Able to live the life it was made to live before people came along and changed it.
I just hope the tree doesn’t die from hopelessness before the chains are released. Of course there is also further threat for the tree. There is still a hoard of people waiting with chains. Some they have had passed down to them from others. Some chains have been lovingly made. Some have been made to torture. Other chains are on other trees and get swapped. People will continue to place chains on me for the rest of my life. The tree can’t grow anymore. It’s suffocated and the only way it’s going to grow is to shrink down to its natural state.
My challenge now is a 2 parter: remove the chains, and deny anyone the ability to place another on.
Shrink(ing) Violet 