A blog about mental health, self harm, suicide, grief and trauma. Join me as i explore the inner workings of my brain
I’ve never really enjoyed new year celebrations. I’ve always seen them as a prompt to reflect on the past year and generally I’ve found reasons to be sombre. I’ve either not achieved my goals or I’ve struggled with my mental health. I long to be reflecting on what a waste the year has been. All …
Continue reading “The turning of the calendar does not start a new story and so it continues;”
I’m in a state I’ve never been in before… I’m not quite sure who I am. I don’t feel anything. No fear, no sadness, no joy. I don’t notice the passing of time or the feelings of hunger. It’s like I’m stuck in a place and time. Something really strange happened on Christmas Eve. We …
Im struggling and today I did something I havnt done in a few months… I got high. For a few blissful hours I was joyful, for the first time in a long time I was actually enjoying life. The highs were interspersed with lows however, and this is where I noticed something very interesting. I …
The one hour a week I see my counsellor is the only hour where I feel I lose control of my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes even I’m surprised at what comes pouring out from me because the rest of the time it’s buried so deep within my soul that even I can’t reach it. Somehow, …
People are alot like oceans….. Remember how vast the oceans boundaries are. Whilst somewhere the water is calm, in another place in the very same ocean, there is a collosal storm. – Nikita Gill I feel like people see the calm waters of me all the time. They don’t realise that somewhere far away is …
Do you ever stop to think about how what you say affects others? I’m trying to be mindful about the words I use and what the recipients might ‘hear’ instead. See, I’ve had lots of people this year talking to me about lots of different issues. The times when I’ve felt better are usually the …
*Warning, if you are full of festive cheer and want to keep it that way then read something else* Christmas has always been my favourite time of year. I love putting the tree up and shopping for presents. Getting all excited about the Christmas markets and festive coffees. I feel the magic of being with …
Today I met with someone I know, but knew little about. I was pointed in her direction after speaking with the church about my struggles with my dad and my uncle and God. They said she had similar childhood experiences and with Gods help had come to a place of forgiveness so she would not …
Today I heard a song that I sang over and over and over during the 3 weeks while my dad was in intensive care. I’m a christian and when dad was ill the church rallied round. This song became my anthem. Lyrics: I’m gonna sing, in the middle of the stormLouder and louder, you’re gonna …
A strange thing happened today. Last night I took some sleeping tablets and went to bed early. I awoke at 11am to my phone ringing. I ignored it as I had only just woken up. Then my phone pinged. I saw that I had multiple messages from a close friend and a few messages and …
Shrink(ing) Violet 