What’s real?

When will the nightmares end?

Every night I am plagued by the most heart wrenching dreams. They are so real that in the morning I have to check certain things to convince myself they aren’t real.

Nightmares are just another way the inner critic tries to convince us that we are no good. That everything will fail. It bring anxiety from our sleep into our waking day. We wake up feeling all those feelings from the dream.

I cannot keep convincing myself which is reality. The lines are blurring. I’m not sure what’s real anymore. It’s getting harder and harder to be that positive voice. Each lonely day that passes, void of any outside positive influence, allows the inner critic to grow stronger.

It takes hours for me to work out what the truth is. It’s like I’m trying to retrain my brain to believe reality again. It takes me back 16 years to being that teenager who was constantly trying to keep one foot in the real world. I was being convinced by friends on a daily basis to believe a false reality. There were punishments if I didn’t agree and convince them I thought it was real. Overtime, I stopped questioning, I accepted the nonsense.

It’s like my inner critic has taken the role of my friends all those years ago. It won’t give in until I start to believe the lies it tells me.

I’m struggling to remember what’s real. Is it a memory or is it a dream? I just want it all to go away. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. – V