I’m still here

Its hard to write when you feel like an empty shell, when you feel like nothing you say has any benefit to yourself or others. Over the last 6 months I have been surviving. Like most people, Covid has put a stop to most of my activities and socializing. You could happily erase April 2020 to April 2021 from my memory and I dont think I would notice.

During the long year of isolation, I’ve lost myself. Part of this is probably down to my best friends emigrating and not having any replacements to feel the empty hours. I was the person I wanted to be when I was with them.

The loss of myself is also due to a lack of purpose. I do nothing, contribute nothing to society and due to Covid restrictions there isn’t much I can do to change that fact at the moment. I know that when places open up I am going to have to make serious conscious effort to engage in something outside of these four walls that I have cocooned myself in.

I wonder how many other people have drifted from the shore over this past year and whether they can still see their way back to the shore? Personally I can see a few shorelines, but I’m not sure which one is mine. I feel fractured. There has been a bit of self reflecting lately as to what I’m passionate about and what interests I have. Its hard to find the right ones.

I think for the short term, I will keep on the path I am going and explore the possibilities as the world opens up. I hope I find home soon because being out to sea for so long has left me drained.