I’m not sure how much longer I can listen to myself. I’m fighting a constant internal battle and I don’t think I will be the victor. The more I fight the more my critic gets louder. Its like two halves of the same entity are fighting to be heard and it’s deafening and exhausting. Its …
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Instrusive thoughts of a harmful nature
I’ve not spoken about this topic to others before now for a few reasons. Lately, the experience has been intensifying and feeling less like ‘me’ as I’ve been doing pretty well. So I figured, heck, why not open up to you guys… What are intrusive thoughts you might ask?They are thoughts that are usually damaging …
I don’t deserve the sunshine’s rays…
It’s 2.30am and I just cannot get to sleep! I’ve been doing really well since Christmas. I’ve only had one self harm relapse and it was only a baby cut. Today I’m having a bit of a wobble. I’ve seen it coming for a couple of days but held myself together. On Wednesday I saw …
The turning of the calendar does not start a new story and so it continues;
I’ve never really enjoyed new year celebrations. I’ve always seen them as a prompt to reflect on the past year and generally I’ve found reasons to be sombre. I’ve either not achieved my goals or I’ve struggled with my mental health. I long to be reflecting on what a waste the year has been. All …
Continue reading “The turning of the calendar does not start a new story and so it continues;”
New me
I’m in a state I’ve never been in before… I’m not quite sure who I am. I don’t feel anything. No fear, no sadness, no joy. I don’t notice the passing of time or the feelings of hunger. It’s like I’m stuck in a place and time. Something really strange happened on Christmas Eve. We …
Dissociation in mental health Vs drug induced dissociation (an accidental experiment) 😂
Im struggling and today I did something I havnt done in a few months… I got high. For a few blissful hours I was joyful, for the first time in a long time I was actually enjoying life. The highs were interspersed with lows however, and this is where I noticed something very interesting. I …
Sorry doesn’t seem enough
The one hour a week I see my counsellor is the only hour where I feel I lose control of my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes even I’m surprised at what comes pouring out from me because the rest of the time it’s buried so deep within my soul that even I can’t reach it. Somehow, …
I am not okay
People are alot like oceans….. Remember how vast the oceans boundaries are. Whilst somewhere the water is calm, in another place in the very same ocean, there is a collosal storm. – Nikita Gill I feel like people see the calm waters of me all the time. They don’t realise that somewhere far away is …
Fixes and assumptions
Do you ever stop to think about how what you say affects others? I’m trying to be mindful about the words I use and what the recipients might ‘hear’ instead. See, I’ve had lots of people this year talking to me about lots of different issues. The times when I’ve felt better are usually the …
Ho Ho Ho NO!
*Warning, if you are full of festive cheer and want to keep it that way then read something else* Christmas has always been my favourite time of year. I love putting the tree up and shopping for presents. Getting all excited about the Christmas markets and festive coffees. I feel the magic of being with …
Shrink(ing) Violet 
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