Today I sent the divorce petition off to my ex husband's solicitor to approve. I wasn't bothered about the divorce but he was adamant. He didn't want to pay and I could get it free. Ive been forced to petition on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour and I'm scared that there will be consequences …
Boredom is NOT my friend!
Some days (like today) I feel okay. By okay I mean I'm not sad, I'm not low, I'm just that happy middle ground before happiness hits. I'm proactive and I make plans with friends and family. Life if full of uncertainty. When I'm feeling like this it gives me a headstart for when things inevitably …
Relapse and disassociation
It has been an incredibly difficult week. I think a self harm relapse has been on the cards for a while now. Everything has been building in my mind and I've stopped communicating with those who understand. I've not been getting the positive reinforcement that I need from the people around me because I've been …
Picking up the pieces
What makes a person? If we lose ourselves along the path, how do we know where we landed and how to get back? When I look back at the distinct periods in my life, I can see an entirely different me in each one. It's almost as if every negative experience knocks a piece out …
Love conquers all?
Sometimes when I'm feeling really low, but not suicidal or have urges to self harm, I like to drive up to the hills and look out at the town I live in while the sun sets. I take music and cigarettes and call for a coffee on the way. It's kind of a self soothing …
Familiarity
When the ex ramps up the vengence, it's common to feel like you made a mistake. You see, to anyone who hasn't been in an abusive relationship, it seems so illogical to have stayed, let alone to want to go back. Here's the deal... There's a security in the familiar. We are creatures of habit …
Wake up call
I went to the doctor on Monday for a health check. I was overdue one and they insisted I have one before giving me any more repeats. The nurse I saw was a straight talker. He reminded me somewhat of my ex. He said I needed to lose half my body weight. He told me …
What a day
So much shit has happened today that my heart has fallen out and gone to the pits of hell. Been missing my daughter so much while I haven't had her this weekend and managed to spend the day with her before she went back to sleep at her dad's. It's sent me into another spiral. …
7,717,627,683 people
No, I may not physically be alone....But mentally, there is no one in sight....Because I've closed my eyes. Anon There are 7,717,627,683 people living on this planet at this very moment. I am just one of them.... Sometimes the world can feel so vast that it leaves us thinking of ourselves in a diminishing way. …
Welcome
"Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things."Arthur Schopenhauer Photo by Natalie on Pexels.com If you have stumbled upon this blog, then welcome! I started this blog so I could get some heavy stuff off my heart and mind. I'm 32, have depression and anxiety, I'm obese and a self harmer. …
Shrink(ing) Violet 
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