I don’t want to stop writing ;

I don’t want to stop writing. It’s an outlet for expression that has served me greatly in the last year. I’m able to articulate my feelings and thoughts in a way I simply can’t do out loud. It helps me find some perspective and gives meaning to the feelings I’m having. I don’t want to …

Dear friends…

Please don’t give up on me. When the world is healed and all this lockdown and isolation is over, I’m going to find it hard to step out of my cave and face the world again. I’m going to have to learn to socialise again. My depression will be feeding me lies continuously that you …

Protected: Hey Ironman. It’s me…

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

At war with myself because of you

My entire life, I’ve been told that I’m the problem.* I was just being oversensitive to my uncles affection. * If I just believed what my friends said instead of fighting against it then they wouldn’t have to hurt me. * I failed college because I was too busy having a good time. (I was …

Two wrongs don’t make a right?

What am I? Am I a good person? Am I a doormat? Do I have any self respect whatsoever? Where is my backbone? Where is my head at? My cousin died in the early hours of the morning. The family are naturally devastated. I had removed myself from my emotions in preparation so I’m actually …

Grief is the one thing that will never ever leave you.

Losing someone you love changes you forever. Grief isn’t something you can get over. In fact, it’s one of the things that will never ever leave you. Friends come and go, society changes, careers start and end, but your grief is there through it all. There will always be a before and after. That’s how …

I can’t let you go

It doesn’t seem fair that I have to come here just to see you. I stare at that square slab and remember my brother pouring your ashes into the tiny hole as we all wept. It was heart wrenching to see how small you had become, because you were the biggest man I had ever …

Ripple makers: It takes one to make one.

I didn’t choose to have mental health issues.I didn’t choose to be abused by others.I didn’t choose my circumstances.For most of my life, choice hasn’t really been an option. Things have been done to me and for me. I’ve lived almost a year with no one controlling me or abusing me and it’s felt alien …

Dissociation and the emergency services. It needs to change!

I’m not quite sure what to share and what not to share today. I made this blog to help get the thoughts out of my head. I’m torn between being totally honest, sharing the darkest moments and making the blog factual in terms of living with mental illness from a less personal place. I’ll just …

New me

I’m in a state I’ve never been in before… I’m not quite sure who I am. I don’t feel anything. No fear, no sadness, no joy. I don’t notice the passing of time or the feelings of hunger. It’s like I’m stuck in a place and time. Something really strange happened on Christmas Eve. We …

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