A blog about mental health, self harm, suicide, grief and trauma. Join me as i explore the inner workings of my brain
We are all living in this new world of Covid. A life in which, for some, time has no meaning, days come and go, the world feels muted. Depersonalisation and derealisation, for me at least, feels alot like this. I wake in the morning not knowing what day it is, or month. I wake and …
Continue reading “Why Covid life is giving a glimpse into the world of Derealisation”
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That’s how I feel right now. It’s the story of my life. People either abandon me or treat me so badly that I have to escape. Image by artist- Sow Ay My family, though remaining physically close, abandoned me emotionally so many times that I can’t be myself around them. I can’t turn to them …
Warning. This contains profanities for which I’m not apologetic. It’s been a year.One really long, short year. A year I didn’t think I would survive. A year I didn’t want to survive. The last 24th of May, I was in benidorm, in a whirlwind of emotion, caught in the grips of sudden grief. I can …
I don’t want to stop writing. It’s an outlet for expression that has served me greatly in the last year. I’m able to articulate my feelings and thoughts in a way I simply can’t do out loud. It helps me find some perspective and gives meaning to the feelings I’m having. I don’t want to …
My entire life, I’ve been told that I’m the problem.* I was just being oversensitive to my uncles affection. * If I just believed what my friends said instead of fighting against it then they wouldn’t have to hurt me. * I failed college because I was too busy having a good time. (I was …
Often, isolation comes hand in hand with depression. Isolation can be the cause of depression or a symptom. Depression is a liar. It tricks you into believing lies to make you isolate yourself. The last couple of weeks, I have been going out the bare minimum. Only venturing out of the door for the school …
Continue reading “Covid-19, die from it, or because of it, there’s a difference.”
I think I’m broken. My cousin died on saturday morning, I helped my abusive uncle deal with suicidal thoughts, and I’m just not feeling anything. I’m calm while everyone around me is devastated. I’m not sure if it’s the increased medication that’s numbing my feelings or if I’ve taken myself away to that space where …
What am I? Am I a good person? Am I a doormat? Do I have any self respect whatsoever? Where is my backbone? Where is my head at? My cousin died in the early hours of the morning. The family are naturally devastated. I had removed myself from my emotions in preparation so I’m actually …
It really is true that everything can change in an instant. This time, 2 days ago, life was plodding on as normal. Now, I’m in bed, talking to you because I can’t sleep. I’m waiting on a call to tell me that my cousin has died. My cousin who 2 days ago was tucked up …
Shrink(ing) Violet 
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