A blog about mental health, self harm, suicide, grief and trauma. Join me as i explore the inner workings of my brain
We are all living in this new world of Covid. A life in which, for some, time has no meaning, days come and go, the world feels muted. Depersonalisation and derealisation, for me at least, feels alot like this. I wake in the morning not knowing what day it is, or month. I wake and …
Continue reading “Why Covid life is giving a glimpse into the world of Derealisation”
He told me today that he was surprised that I stayed in an abusive relationship for so long. He said he thought I was stronger than that. That I would have spoken up sooner. Of course I put him in his place about the nature of abusive relationships, and I educated him on the reasons …
I don’t know how much longer I can hold on for. How much longer I can fight the demon inside my head. The last few weeks I have been plagued by images of my dad in that hospital bed. How long will this keep happening? How many more times do I have to relive those …
I don’t want to stop writing. It’s an outlet for expression that has served me greatly in the last year. I’m able to articulate my feelings and thoughts in a way I simply can’t do out loud. It helps me find some perspective and gives meaning to the feelings I’m having. I don’t want to …
When will the nightmares end? Every night I am plagued by the most heart wrenching dreams. They are so real that in the morning I have to check certain things to convince myself they aren’t real. Nightmares are just another way the inner critic tries to convince us that we are no good. That everything …
My entire life, I’ve been told that I’m the problem.* I was just being oversensitive to my uncles affection. * If I just believed what my friends said instead of fighting against it then they wouldn’t have to hurt me. * I failed college because I was too busy having a good time. (I was …
I think I’m broken. My cousin died on saturday morning, I helped my abusive uncle deal with suicidal thoughts, and I’m just not feeling anything. I’m calm while everyone around me is devastated. I’m not sure if it’s the increased medication that’s numbing my feelings or if I’ve taken myself away to that space where …
What am I? Am I a good person? Am I a doormat? Do I have any self respect whatsoever? Where is my backbone? Where is my head at? My cousin died in the early hours of the morning. The family are naturally devastated. I had removed myself from my emotions in preparation so I’m actually …
It really is true that everything can change in an instant. This time, 2 days ago, life was plodding on as normal. Now, I’m in bed, talking to you because I can’t sleep. I’m waiting on a call to tell me that my cousin has died. My cousin who 2 days ago was tucked up …
Losing someone you love changes you forever. Grief isn’t something you can get over. In fact, it’s one of the things that will never ever leave you. Friends come and go, society changes, careers start and end, but your grief is there through it all. There will always be a before and after. That’s how …
Continue reading “Grief is the one thing that will never ever leave you.”
Shrink(ing) Violet 
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