I don’t want to stop writing. It’s an outlet for expression that has served me greatly in the last year. I’m able to articulate my feelings and thoughts in a way I simply can’t do out loud. It helps me find some perspective and gives meaning to the feelings I’m having. I don’t want to …
Tag Archives: lesser
Dear friends…
Please don’t give up on me. When the world is healed and all this lockdown and isolation is over, I’m going to find it hard to step out of my cave and face the world again. I’m going to have to learn to socialise again. My depression will be feeding me lies continuously that you …
At war with myself because of you
My entire life, I’ve been told that I’m the problem.* I was just being oversensitive to my uncles affection. * If I just believed what my friends said instead of fighting against it then they wouldn’t have to hurt me. * I failed college because I was too busy having a good time. (I was …
Grief, loss and isolation
Once you have known the pain of a deep loss, I think it becomes easier to access it. Any future losses feel harder, the pain feels more accessible. It’s somewhere you have ventured before. It’s like trying to navigate to an old friends house. Somewhere you vaguely remember, until you drive closer and things become …
Emotionally numb
I think I’m broken. My cousin died on saturday morning, I helped my abusive uncle deal with suicidal thoughts, and I’m just not feeling anything. I’m calm while everyone around me is devastated. I’m not sure if it’s the increased medication that’s numbing my feelings or if I’ve taken myself away to that space where …
Two wrongs don’t make a right?
What am I? Am I a good person? Am I a doormat? Do I have any self respect whatsoever? Where is my backbone? Where is my head at? My cousin died in the early hours of the morning. The family are naturally devastated. I had removed myself from my emotions in preparation so I’m actually …
Ripple makers: It takes one to make one.
I didn’t choose to have mental health issues.I didn’t choose to be abused by others.I didn’t choose my circumstances.For most of my life, choice hasn’t really been an option. Things have been done to me and for me. I’ve lived almost a year with no one controlling me or abusing me and it’s felt alien …
Dissociation and the emergency services. It needs to change!
I’m not quite sure what to share and what not to share today. I made this blog to help get the thoughts out of my head. I’m torn between being totally honest, sharing the darkest moments and making the blog factual in terms of living with mental illness from a less personal place. I’ll just …
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How bad is bad enough? An insight to baby cut syndrome.
I caved. I gave in to my current greatest urge last night. I just needed to stop the constant thoughts spiraling in my head. I figured if I just do it then it will quieten down. I decided at around 4pm that I was going to do it. I dropped my daughter off with her …
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Which me is me?
I’m not sure how much longer I can listen to myself. I’m fighting a constant internal battle and I don’t think I will be the victor. The more I fight the more my critic gets louder. Its like two halves of the same entity are fighting to be heard and it’s deafening and exhausting. Its …
Shrink(ing) Violet 
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