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Tag Archives: mental
At war with myself because of you
My entire life, I’ve been told that I’m the problem.* I was just being oversensitive to my uncles affection. * If I just believed what my friends said instead of fighting against it then they wouldn’t have to hurt me. * I failed college because I was too busy having a good time. (I was …
Grief, loss and isolation
Once you have known the pain of a deep loss, I think it becomes easier to access it. Any future losses feel harder, the pain feels more accessible. It’s somewhere you have ventured before. It’s like trying to navigate to an old friends house. Somewhere you vaguely remember, until you drive closer and things become …
Covid-19, die from it, or because of it, there’s a difference.
Often, isolation comes hand in hand with depression. Isolation can be the cause of depression or a symptom. Depression is a liar. It tricks you into believing lies to make you isolate yourself. The last couple of weeks, I have been going out the bare minimum. Only venturing out of the door for the school …
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Emotionally numb
I think I’m broken. My cousin died on saturday morning, I helped my abusive uncle deal with suicidal thoughts, and I’m just not feeling anything. I’m calm while everyone around me is devastated. I’m not sure if it’s the increased medication that’s numbing my feelings or if I’ve taken myself away to that space where …
Two wrongs don’t make a right?
What am I? Am I a good person? Am I a doormat? Do I have any self respect whatsoever? Where is my backbone? Where is my head at? My cousin died in the early hours of the morning. The family are naturally devastated. I had removed myself from my emotions in preparation so I’m actually …
Waiting for the call…
It really is true that everything can change in an instant. This time, 2 days ago, life was plodding on as normal. Now, I’m in bed, talking to you because I can’t sleep. I’m waiting on a call to tell me that my cousin has died. My cousin who 2 days ago was tucked up …
Grief is the one thing that will never ever leave you.
Losing someone you love changes you forever. Grief isn’t something you can get over. In fact, it’s one of the things that will never ever leave you. Friends come and go, society changes, careers start and end, but your grief is there through it all. There will always be a before and after. That’s how …
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I can’t let you go
It doesn’t seem fair that I have to come here just to see you. I stare at that square slab and remember my brother pouring your ashes into the tiny hole as we all wept. It was heart wrenching to see how small you had become, because you were the biggest man I had ever …
We’re not in Kansas anymore
I have written this blog over and over and over again. My mind cant make up what it wants to write about. My body tells me not to blog at all. But I want to at the same time. Time. Its not making much sense right now. I’m longing for next week when I can …
Shrink(ing) Violet 
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