Protected: Hey, ripple maker…

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Abandoned

That’s how I feel right now. It’s the story of my life. People either abandon me or treat me so badly that I have to escape. Image by artist- Sow Ay My family, though remaining physically close, abandoned me emotionally so many times that I can’t be myself around them. I can’t turn to them …

Help me…

I don’t know how much longer I can hold on for. How much longer I can fight the demon inside my head. The last few weeks I have been plagued by images of my dad in that hospital bed. How long will this keep happening? How many more times do I have to relive those …

The angry side of grief

Warning. This contains profanities for which I’m not apologetic. It’s been a year.One really long, short year. A year I didn’t think I would survive. A year I didn’t want to survive. The last 24th of May, I was in benidorm, in a whirlwind of emotion, caught in the grips of sudden grief. I can …

What’s real?

When will the nightmares end? Every night I am plagued by the most heart wrenching dreams. They are so real that in the morning I have to check certain things to convince myself they aren’t real. Nightmares are just another way the inner critic tries to convince us that we are no good. That everything …

Dear friends…

Please don’t give up on me. When the world is healed and all this lockdown and isolation is over, I’m going to find it hard to step out of my cave and face the world again. I’m going to have to learn to socialise again. My depression will be feeding me lies continuously that you …

1st try at a poem. Cause the world’s gone to shit and I can’t sleep….

I lay here motionless, Staring at the cornerWhere the ceiling meets the wallsThe clock has long since waved the witching hour goodbye My eyes are heavy from the exhaustion of another dayMy mind, ticking tocking,the mechanics that keep my eyes from closing The rest I crave will not arriveI’ve tried and triedThe medicine won’t let …

Two wrongs don’t make a right?

What am I? Am I a good person? Am I a doormat? Do I have any self respect whatsoever? Where is my backbone? Where is my head at? My cousin died in the early hours of the morning. The family are naturally devastated. I had removed myself from my emotions in preparation so I’m actually …

Waiting for the call…

It really is true that everything can change in an instant. This time, 2 days ago, life was plodding on as normal. Now, I’m in bed, talking to you because I can’t sleep. I’m waiting on a call to tell me that my cousin has died. My cousin who 2 days ago was tucked up …

Grief is the one thing that will never ever leave you.

Losing someone you love changes you forever. Grief isn’t something you can get over. In fact, it’s one of the things that will never ever leave you. Friends come and go, society changes, careers start and end, but your grief is there through it all. There will always be a before and after. That’s how …

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