It doesn’t seem fair that I have to come here just to see you. I stare at that square slab and remember my brother pouring your ashes into the tiny hole as we all wept. It was heart wrenching to see how small you had become, because you were the biggest man I had ever …
Tag Archives: self hate
Ripple makers: It takes one to make one.
I didn’t choose to have mental health issues.I didn’t choose to be abused by others.I didn’t choose my circumstances.For most of my life, choice hasn’t really been an option. Things have been done to me and for me. I’ve lived almost a year with no one controlling me or abusing me and it’s felt alien …
Dissociation and the emergency services. It needs to change!
I’m not quite sure what to share and what not to share today. I made this blog to help get the thoughts out of my head. I’m torn between being totally honest, sharing the darkest moments and making the blog factual in terms of living with mental illness from a less personal place. I’ll just …
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How bad is bad enough? An insight to baby cut syndrome.
I caved. I gave in to my current greatest urge last night. I just needed to stop the constant thoughts spiraling in my head. I figured if I just do it then it will quieten down. I decided at around 4pm that I was going to do it. I dropped my daughter off with her …
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My addiction is taboo…
*TRIGGER WARNING for self harm, suicide, drugs and alcohol*********** If you need help in the UK contact the Samaritans on 116 123. Self injury is symbiotic with depression for myself. Its the way I’ve learnt to cope with stress, anxiety, low mood or apathy. I can’t remember the first time I intentionally harmed myself but …
Which me is me?
I’m not sure how much longer I can listen to myself. I’m fighting a constant internal battle and I don’t think I will be the victor. The more I fight the more my critic gets louder. Its like two halves of the same entity are fighting to be heard and it’s deafening and exhausting. Its …
I don’t deserve the sunshine’s rays…
It’s 2.30am and I just cannot get to sleep! I’ve been doing really well since Christmas. I’ve only had one self harm relapse and it was only a baby cut. Today I’m having a bit of a wobble. I’ve seen it coming for a couple of days but held myself together. On Wednesday I saw …
Shrink(ing) Violet 