What am I? Am I a good person? Am I a doormat? Do I have any self respect whatsoever? Where is my backbone? Where is my head at? My cousin died in the early hours of the morning. The family are naturally devastated. I had removed myself from my emotions in preparation so I’m actually …
Tag Archives: sorry
Waiting for the call…
It really is true that everything can change in an instant. This time, 2 days ago, life was plodding on as normal. Now, I’m in bed, talking to you because I can’t sleep. I’m waiting on a call to tell me that my cousin has died. My cousin who 2 days ago was tucked up …
Grief is the one thing that will never ever leave you.
Losing someone you love changes you forever. Grief isn’t something you can get over. In fact, it’s one of the things that will never ever leave you. Friends come and go, society changes, careers start and end, but your grief is there through it all. There will always be a before and after. That’s how …
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I can’t let you go
It doesn’t seem fair that I have to come here just to see you. I stare at that square slab and remember my brother pouring your ashes into the tiny hole as we all wept. It was heart wrenching to see how small you had become, because you were the biggest man I had ever …
Ripple makers: It takes one to make one.
I didn’t choose to have mental health issues.I didn’t choose to be abused by others.I didn’t choose my circumstances.For most of my life, choice hasn’t really been an option. Things have been done to me and for me. I’ve lived almost a year with no one controlling me or abusing me and it’s felt alien …
Dissociation and the emergency services. It needs to change!
I’m not quite sure what to share and what not to share today. I made this blog to help get the thoughts out of my head. I’m torn between being totally honest, sharing the darkest moments and making the blog factual in terms of living with mental illness from a less personal place. I’ll just …
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New me
I’m in a state I’ve never been in before… I’m not quite sure who I am. I don’t feel anything. No fear, no sadness, no joy. I don’t notice the passing of time or the feelings of hunger. It’s like I’m stuck in a place and time. Something really strange happened on Christmas Eve. We …
Sorry doesn’t seem enough
The one hour a week I see my counsellor is the only hour where I feel I lose control of my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes even I’m surprised at what comes pouring out from me because the rest of the time it’s buried so deep within my soul that even I can’t reach it. Somehow, …
Shrink(ing) Violet 