A blog about mental health, self harm, suicide, grief and trauma. Join me as i explore the inner workings of my brain
I lay here motionless, Staring at the cornerWhere the ceiling meets the wallsThe clock has long since waved the witching hour goodbye My eyes are heavy from the exhaustion of another dayMy mind, ticking tocking,the mechanics that keep my eyes from closing The rest I crave will not arriveI’ve tried and triedThe medicine won’t let …
Continue reading “1st try at a poem. Cause the world’s gone to shit and I can’t sleep….”
Once you have known the pain of a deep loss, I think it becomes easier to access it. Any future losses feel harder, the pain feels more accessible. It’s somewhere you have ventured before. It’s like trying to navigate to an old friends house. Somewhere you vaguely remember, until you drive closer and things become …
Often, isolation comes hand in hand with depression. Isolation can be the cause of depression or a symptom. Depression is a liar. It tricks you into believing lies to make you isolate yourself. The last couple of weeks, I have been going out the bare minimum. Only venturing out of the door for the school …
Continue reading “Covid-19, die from it, or because of it, there’s a difference.”
I think I’m broken. My cousin died on saturday morning, I helped my abusive uncle deal with suicidal thoughts, and I’m just not feeling anything. I’m calm while everyone around me is devastated. I’m not sure if it’s the increased medication that’s numbing my feelings or if I’ve taken myself away to that space where …
What am I? Am I a good person? Am I a doormat? Do I have any self respect whatsoever? Where is my backbone? Where is my head at? My cousin died in the early hours of the morning. The family are naturally devastated. I had removed myself from my emotions in preparation so I’m actually …
It doesn’t seem fair that I have to come here just to see you. I stare at that square slab and remember my brother pouring your ashes into the tiny hole as we all wept. It was heart wrenching to see how small you had become, because you were the biggest man I had ever …
I’m not quite sure what to share and what not to share today. I made this blog to help get the thoughts out of my head. I’m torn between being totally honest, sharing the darkest moments and making the blog factual in terms of living with mental illness from a less personal place. I’ll just …
Continue reading “Dissociation and the emergency services. It needs to change!”
I caved. I gave in to my current greatest urge last night. I just needed to stop the constant thoughts spiraling in my head. I figured if I just do it then it will quieten down. I decided at around 4pm that I was going to do it. I dropped my daughter off with her …
Continue reading “How bad is bad enough? An insight to baby cut syndrome.”
*TRIGGER WARNING for self harm, suicide, drugs and alcohol*********** If you need help in the UK contact the Samaritans on 116 123. Self injury is symbiotic with depression for myself. Its the way I’ve learnt to cope with stress, anxiety, low mood or apathy. I can’t remember the first time I intentionally harmed myself but …
Shrink(ing) Violet 