That’s how I feel right now. It’s the story of my life. People either abandon me or treat me so badly that I have to escape. Image by artist- Sow Ay My family, though remaining physically close, abandoned me emotionally so many times that I can’t be myself around them. I can’t turn to them …
Tag Archives: Abuse
I can’t trust my memories
He told me today that he was surprised that I stayed in an abusive relationship for so long. He said he thought I was stronger than that. That I would have spoken up sooner. Of course I put him in his place about the nature of abusive relationships, and I educated him on the reasons …
At war with myself because of you
My entire life, I’ve been told that I’m the problem.* I was just being oversensitive to my uncles affection. * If I just believed what my friends said instead of fighting against it then they wouldn’t have to hurt me. * I failed college because I was too busy having a good time. (I was …
Emotionally numb
I think I’m broken. My cousin died on saturday morning, I helped my abusive uncle deal with suicidal thoughts, and I’m just not feeling anything. I’m calm while everyone around me is devastated. I’m not sure if it’s the increased medication that’s numbing my feelings or if I’ve taken myself away to that space where …
Two wrongs don’t make a right?
What am I? Am I a good person? Am I a doormat? Do I have any self respect whatsoever? Where is my backbone? Where is my head at? My cousin died in the early hours of the morning. The family are naturally devastated. I had removed myself from my emotions in preparation so I’m actually …
365
I’ve taken a little hiatus lately. Life has been very different, not being able to live in my house or be on my own. I’ve had appointment after appointment for various things. I’ve been so busy with making it through each day that my mind hasn’t had time to be creative. Anyhow, lately, i’m starting …
Ripple makers: It takes one to make one.
I didn’t choose to have mental health issues.I didn’t choose to be abused by others.I didn’t choose my circumstances.For most of my life, choice hasn’t really been an option. Things have been done to me and for me. I’ve lived almost a year with no one controlling me or abusing me and it’s felt alien …
Which me is me?
I’m not sure how much longer I can listen to myself. I’m fighting a constant internal battle and I don’t think I will be the victor. The more I fight the more my critic gets louder. Its like two halves of the same entity are fighting to be heard and it’s deafening and exhausting. Its …
The turning of the calendar does not start a new story and so it continues;
I’ve never really enjoyed new year celebrations. I’ve always seen them as a prompt to reflect on the past year and generally I’ve found reasons to be sombre. I’ve either not achieved my goals or I’ve struggled with my mental health. I long to be reflecting on what a waste the year has been. All …
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New me
I’m in a state I’ve never been in before… I’m not quite sure who I am. I don’t feel anything. No fear, no sadness, no joy. I don’t notice the passing of time or the feelings of hunger. It’s like I’m stuck in a place and time. Something really strange happened on Christmas Eve. We …
Shrink(ing) Violet 