Warning. This contains profanities for which I’m not apologetic. It’s been a year.One really long, short year. A year I didn’t think I would survive. A year I didn’t want to survive. The last 24th of May, I was in benidorm, in a whirlwind of emotion, caught in the grips of sudden grief. I can …
Tag Archives: Acceptance
I don’t want to stop writing ;
I don’t want to stop writing. It’s an outlet for expression that has served me greatly in the last year. I’m able to articulate my feelings and thoughts in a way I simply can’t do out loud. It helps me find some perspective and gives meaning to the feelings I’m having. I don’t want to …
What’s real?
When will the nightmares end? Every night I am plagued by the most heart wrenching dreams. They are so real that in the morning I have to check certain things to convince myself they aren’t real. Nightmares are just another way the inner critic tries to convince us that we are no good. That everything …
At war with myself because of you
My entire life, I’ve been told that I’m the problem.* I was just being oversensitive to my uncles affection. * If I just believed what my friends said instead of fighting against it then they wouldn’t have to hurt me. * I failed college because I was too busy having a good time. (I was …
Two wrongs don’t make a right?
What am I? Am I a good person? Am I a doormat? Do I have any self respect whatsoever? Where is my backbone? Where is my head at? My cousin died in the early hours of the morning. The family are naturally devastated. I had removed myself from my emotions in preparation so I’m actually …
Waiting for the call…
It really is true that everything can change in an instant. This time, 2 days ago, life was plodding on as normal. Now, I’m in bed, talking to you because I can’t sleep. I’m waiting on a call to tell me that my cousin has died. My cousin who 2 days ago was tucked up …
365
I’ve taken a little hiatus lately. Life has been very different, not being able to live in my house or be on my own. I’ve had appointment after appointment for various things. I’ve been so busy with making it through each day that my mind hasn’t had time to be creative. Anyhow, lately, i’m starting …
Ripple makers: It takes one to make one.
I didn’t choose to have mental health issues.I didn’t choose to be abused by others.I didn’t choose my circumstances.For most of my life, choice hasn’t really been an option. Things have been done to me and for me. I’ve lived almost a year with no one controlling me or abusing me and it’s felt alien …
Today I made friends with a travelling can…
I’m a sucker for a metaphor… Tonight whilst I was walking home down an unpopulated street, I came across an empty drinks can being blown by the wind to some unknown location. I felt that can. I felt the helplessness and anxiety it felt. Its so scary being thrown by an unknown force to an …
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The turning of the calendar does not start a new story and so it continues;
I’ve never really enjoyed new year celebrations. I’ve always seen them as a prompt to reflect on the past year and generally I’ve found reasons to be sombre. I’ve either not achieved my goals or I’ve struggled with my mental health. I long to be reflecting on what a waste the year has been. All …
Continue reading “The turning of the calendar does not start a new story and so it continues;”
Shrink(ing) Violet 