Sometimes the body speaks louder

Sometimes we can wake up feeling extremely low. We cant find the reason why. We just feel the way we feel. It’s extremely important to listen to our body. Especially when there isn’t a reason for our melancholy.

The last few days my mood has dropped. With that has come a torrent of headaches and nausea. My bones hurt. Not the muscle or skin, I can feel my bones aching. My hands are in agony typing right now as I feel the strain in all the bones of my hand.

Usually I would use a set of self care techniques when something was affecting my mental health. Like write down what’s bothering me, blog, draw the problem. Explore my thoughts or search for my feelings.

Right now I’m not sure what to do. I’ve lay there night after night trying to work out what’s wrong so I can start fighting it and come out the other side of this bout of depression. I can’t work out what it is. I don’t have any thoughts that would cause distress. In fact I don’t have many thoughts at all. I try to draw and can’t think of anything to sketch. Can’t think of anything decent to write about. My head is full of nothing but the routine of life. The tasks I have to do and the run of the mill, sleep, shower, eat repeat. I don’t feel like I’m lacking motivation necessarily, maybe energy to fullfil tasks.

One thing I can pinpoint by examining what my body is doing is that I’m experiencing anxiety. Though not in my mind. My feet have been restless lately which is something I struggle with when I’m anxious. On Thursday I actually caused a wound on my ankle in my sleep, presumably by rubbing it on the edge of the bed like I used to do. So judging from that, I can ascertain that I’m anxious. Why is the question. So till I find that out I’ll just have to sit with the tiny bit of insight I’ve managed to gain.

So how do I get through this? Is my body telling me I need a break? If so, from what? I don’t really do anything per se. The pain started at the beginning of the school holidays so I don’t have school or college. So what now? Just take pain killers and wait for it to disappear as quickly as it came?

I’m not giving up, but I would be lying if I said that it wasn’t frustrating. Hopefully the less I focus on it, the better I will feel.

In the past I really struggled to name the physical feelings and match them with my emotions. Since taking part in group DBT last year, I’ve learnt to listen to my body more. It’s important that we not only examine where are head is at but also what are bodies are communicating.

Holding on til the storm passes over – Violet x